Monday, January 16, 2006

24's Starting Up Again, American Idol Premieres Tomorrow -- Feels Like I'm Back in California

Happy Monday everyone. (Yeah, Monday's almost over, but whatever. It's the Monday post.) Not a whole lot going on in the world of Crane today. Dropped the Crown Vick off at the body shop to fix what the head-shaking trucker did to it, talked to Hinesy from his apartment in Taiwan, wrote, took a too-long nap, felt generally queasy and strange afterwards, ate two fried egg sandwiches (felt kind of gross for a while afterwards), and then watched 2 hours of 24. I promised after the end of last season that me and 24 were quits. They'd burned me too many times by their ridiculous plot twists ("That attack on the nuclear power plants was just a front! Yeah, a front for ANOTHER diabolical plot! That's the ticket!"), terrible characters (the head of CTU's mentally-ill daughter was a good example -- I understand most people cheered when her character committed suicide), and shameful, lazy-screenwriting moments of deus ex machina (the end of the missile threat at the end of last season), but here I am, tonight, (and last night), tuned in to my little kitchen TV set with one antenna, riveted during Fox's 4-hour 24 Premiere Event! But these four hours were actually good, really good. I hadn't reailzed how comforting it was to watch 24. Even when they were doing stupid things, or people were saying things no human would ever say, you know these people and you know that in 24-world, these people HAVE to say these things. So what it's an uber-right wing fantasy, watching it feels like putting on a really comfortable shoe.

This season started off with President Palmer (the awesome Dennis Haysbert) getting killed in the first 10 minutes of Hour 1, along with a couple of other long-suffering characters, and Jack's been called out of his new, non-Jack-Bauer life working at an oil refinery to have another really bad day doing a little of the ole counter-terrorism stuff. I thought the kid who played the son of the woman Jack was shacking up with was doing some great acting, I think the new president is excellent as our Weasel-in-Chief (though I was a little puzzled by the big treaty signing event with the Russian president with the San Gabriel Mountains in the background -- does Bush come to Glendale for a lot of treaty signings I wasn't aware of?), and Jean Smart plays the slightly loopy first lady who knows too much, though her husband won't believe her. And, to cap the whole thing off, at the end of the last hour, Sam Gamgee himself, Sean Astin, shows up to save the day as a capable CTU bureaucrat. Yaayyy!! And we haven't even gotten to the torture scenes yet! Man, does 24 love torturing some people. They'll even torture their own people, they don't care, so long as someone doing some torturing.

I'll say now that I'll stick with the show until it gets as ridiculous as it did last season, but I know that by then, I'll be so helplessly tuned in that I'll care too much how it all ends to give up on it. They could put Jack Bauer in a burka in order to infiltrate the LMLF (Lady Muslim Liberation Front), and I'd still watch. Come to think of it, I'd be even MORE interested if that happened. Ugh! They got me coming and going! Damn you, Fox. Damn you to right to H-E-Double Hockey Sticks.

29 comments:

peter said...

Brian you don't live in Glendale anymore.

blankfist said...

Brian you don't live in reality anymore. Waterworld. I'm just saying...

JudgeHolden said...

Barbwire, dude.

Fried Pepperoni said...

We own the Crocodile Hunter movie. (I just wanted to belong, sorry.)

JudgeHolden said...

Crocodile Hunter movie, dude.

blankfist said...

Do you like it Shawn? No you do not. But Crane would think it to be worse to own a bad movie you dislike than it would to like a bad movie that you don't. Worst logic ever!

blankfist said...

I'll meet you halfway, Crane. Chronicles of Riddick and Pitch Black are better than Barb Wire, Robocop 3 AND Tank Girl. How's that for a compromise? Still, all of those movies are bad... and so is Waterworld. You still lose.

peter said...

when R we goin to here bout juge judy?

JudgeHolden said...

Not sure I want to encourage Heath by promoting his grenade-style bloops. He'll just throw more.

Also, unmbarrassed ownership of awful movies (Barbwire, Tank Girl, Robocop 3) means more, I think, than a mildly positive opinion on an overly reviled film (Waterworld). As for Pitch Black and Chronicles of Riddick, I plead guilty. I like those movies. But I remember a day when you touted Mouse Trap as a great, great film. I guess it's hard to argue with that, given how often I hear people bringing up that movie and its undeniable greatness. Oh wait, I never hear anyone talk about that movie.

Seeking Completion said...

Wow, you guys are great friends. I have seen more kindness during a prison rape scene. Barbwire was not purchased for anything more than pam anderson’s tits! If you actually thought a storyline would be present… yeah. Robocop 3 on the other hand… I can see that. $8.99 bin has crap but at 2:00am, gummy worms, Vienna sausages, and Tank Girl sounds like a kick ass triple play. Waterworld was not a great movie, but when its on tv ya gotta watch it. There was a handful of cool scenes. But don’t listen to me… I own Once Bitten.

blankfist said...

"mildly positive opinion"

Are you kidding me? There's nothing mild or small about your feelings for that film. Get over it. You love that film. You've said so a thousand times in film school. Mildly. Ha! I can almost picture you, just now, sitting at your computer, alone in the house, watching the blinking cursor and thinking of a way to win this debate when you should be checking monster.com for a job.

You liked Waterworld. End of discussion. You liked it. It wasn't a mildly positive opinion of the film -- you liked it. Period. I did not like any of the ones you're trying to somehow underhandedly apply my adoration to for merely owning them. I have a collection of videos that reach well into the hundreds, I can imagine. They're all not gems. You see, I can afford to buy all those, because I have a job. Maybe you could go 'temp' again and save up that $2.99 needed to purchase Waterworld on DVD. Just because you don't own it doesn't mean you wouldn't. I know you. You like that film. Save up. I hear Food Lion is hiring bag boys.

All bloops aside: Mouse Trap was a good film. Sorry. It was really well made -- for its time. Much like Running Man was a good movie for its time (when I was a wee lad). When I had watched it recently, it had lost a lot. It was nearly unwatchable.

BTW, tell the Judge Judy story as Peter requested. Enable me.

nathan said...

GOD heath.... it's true, he's no corporate whore like you, doing a job (consistantly) that he moans and whines about...but does that make him a bad person. Did you have to pull out the Food Lion harrasshole tactics?
You're such a sweety.

nathan said...

OH...and brian. Tell the Judge Judy story

JudgeHolden said...

Man. Food Lion takes me back. Do they have those anywhere else besides NC? I used to call it Food Room because they always seemed kind of small.

And also: you know Heath's argument's losing steam when he starts getting mean out of nowhere. He wants so desperately to have the last word on this, he's trying to make me feel guilty about even posting another comment. Well, it ain't gonna work.

Also, no dice on your weak defense of Mouse Trap. A good movie for its time, my shiny metal ass. Far from having a mildly positive opinion of it, you LOVED it. You used to use it in arguments about how I had no taste in movies because I didn't like Mouse Trap. I'd like everyone to take a second to get their mind around that one.

And, finally, to flog the living daylights out of a comatose horse struggling for breath, at the height of my opinion of Waterworld you could only ever say, AT MOST, that I LIKED it -- like I said previously, "moderately positive opinion". (Anyone who can offer testimony to the contrary is welcome to post.) As with Mouse Trap, time has taken its toll on the beleaguered Waterworld, so much so that I don't even think about that movie very much, much less OWN it.

I say it's high time we forgive one another our film-school era lapses in taste. Feel free, however, to attack me on my most recent "lapses in taste", such as my affection for The Chronicles of Riddick, or my deep antipathy for Pirates of the Carribean. But please God, no more Waterworld. You're killing me.

And to demonstrate my good faith, I will share, in Tuesday's post, the Heath/Judge Judy story.

blankfist said...

You said you loved Waterworld, Crane. Read my comment again. I said both that you loved it and liked it. This is how I know Crane is trying to bounce the attention off of his pure crappy taste when he starts twising words in a desperate attempt to win a lousy argument. Brazo.

Mousehunt was great FOR ITS TIME, meaning I'm sure it's still good, just not as great as it was at that time. I'm sure I'd still like Mousehunt. It was inventive for its time. Now, maybe not so inventive because a lot of the inventive filmmaking tricks are probably old hat at this point. I don't know. Have to see it again. It was directed by Gore Verbinski. He directed The Ring and your fav, Pirates of the Caribbean... also two very good films. He's proven.

Kevin Reynolds directed Waterworld. He also directed The Count of Monte Cristo and Tristan & Isolde. Two movies I'll most likely never see. I'm sure they're winners. Really. I'm sure you'd love them, too.

But, seriously. His movies suck. Your taste sucks. This is not debatable. It's tiring.

And you loved Waterworld. There's no mildly positive anything. You loved it. You liked it. You loved it. Same thing in my book.

BOOORING!

Write a new post, Mariner.

peter said...

heath is stealing my identity the same reasons he got rightfully kicked off another blog

Fried Pepperoni said...

You know, I think the fact that it took 7 posts for Heath (or anyone else, for that matter) to correct Crane's error of calling the film "Mouse Trap" tells us all we need to know about the prevailing greatness of MOUSEHUNT...

The prevailing greatness of Food Lion is another story altogether. Remember Tom E. Smith from all the commercials? That was his name wasn't it, the dorkus-malorkus who owns the chain? I think he was trying to build his image into a sort of Dave Thomas level celebrity. Problem is, all grocery stores pretty much have the same crap. Even grocery rooms.

And yes, the Crocodile Hunter movie is terrible.

Fried Pepperoni said...

Crane, I hate to be the whistleblower here, but I do believe I remember you saying you really thought Waterworld was really good movie. You were kind of enamored with it, I think. Anyhow, the nod goes to Heath on this one. Owning and enjoying are not the same thing.

peter said...

Nah I'm just playig. Heath is cool in my book.

blankfist said...

I win one to nothing. Woohoo!

Anonymous said...

mmmm candybar!

blankfist said...

Two posts shy of 24. Seems fitting to get these comments up to that number, being that the actual post was about the show 24. And, we never talked about it at all.

We should honor the post with 24 comments. Who's with me?

nathan said...

23

JudgeHolden said...

And 24. I don't think we've ever had this many comments on a post before. This is great. Keep up the good work!

blankfist said...

"keep up the good work"

Sure thing Mr. Crane, don't forget to assign us some homework, too! And... oh wait... damn... that makes it 25. Double damn.

Oh well, at least now maybe Crane will concede defeat. Now that Harwell has given me the 'nod', it's official.

blankfist said...

i like my cats like i like my ballz

blankfist said...

Did anyone else buy that? I did! Holy sh*t! I was sitting there, and I was all like, "I see it says 'blankfist says' but there's something about the whole black letter thing that makes me think it ain't the real 'blankfist-awesome-monster-man' because the real 'blankfist-awesome-monster-man' has a REAL linkable BLUE name that actually links you to my profile". But, I guess Peter (or whomever) was too lazy to even try to fool anyone. He's rich. You cannot blame rich people. They're rich... and therefore they are without any sort of real world experience... Peter is no exception. Unless, of course, he contributes some cash to the making of my film. If he did that, he'd be a hero. But he will not, therefore he will forever be enshrined by the NCSA alumni as a heartless rich boy who never contributed to his friends. EVER! Greedy bastered. Some of us were not born with a silver spoon in our mouths! Grrrrr! Give us welfare! Okay, you keep it. I guess your BMW 7 series deserves the suede interior it didn't ship with... and why not make it wireless? That would be an awesome display of your awesome disposable income. Bloop.

All right, enough busting balls. Peter deserves a break -- a break from his money! GIVE! acrimeforcharlie.com.... GIVE! Tax write off, dude! Everything you give is a tax write off!

Say somethin'!

Anonymous said...

Ouch. But true.

blankfist said...

I think I made an enemy.