Friday, January 27, 2006
Hagrid is Real, and He Is A Well-Read Russian With Violent Tendencies
In my daily travels through the vast internet-o-scape, I came across this photo on Drudge. Like Satan, (or Al Pacino in The Devil's Advocate), this thing has lots of names. Nikolay Valuev, "Beast from the East", "the Russian Giant", Don King wants to call him "King Kong". I prefer either "Bluto", "Zangief", or "Pituitary Case Crying Out For Euthanasia", but it's admittedly not as catchy as those others. Anyway, he is, as you can see, an enormous man and he is from Russia and he is a boxer. He stands at 7' tall and weighs 323 pounds and, according to the article, he is the new world champion of the "sport". The picture appears to show a hairy man with a face well-suited to a natural history exhibit fighting another man who has, for whatever reason, decided to fight while seated on a stool, but I'm pretty sure these guys are both standing at their full heights in a ring. Frickin' crazy. According to the LATimes article, Valuev reads Tolstoy and writes poetry to his wife, though I'm a little skeptical. With a braincase like that, I'm guessing his Tolstoy reading involves reading the title of War and Peace over and over, and the poems are likely on the order of "me like you", and "Hulk smash". According to his former trainer, he is lazy and will never get any better as a boxer. He also put a 60-year old security guard into the hospital for being "rude" to his wife. Anyway, marginally interesting. All right, everyone. That's it for me this week. Have a great weekend.