Friday, January 27, 2006

Hagrid is Real, and He Is A Well-Read Russian With Violent Tendencies













In my daily travels through the vast internet-o-scape, I came across this photo on Drudge. Like Satan, (or Al Pacino in The Devil's Advocate), this thing has lots of names. Nikolay Valuev, "Beast from the East", "the Russian Giant", Don King wants to call him "King Kong". I prefer either "Bluto", "Zangief", or "Pituitary Case Crying Out For Euthanasia", but it's admittedly not as catchy as those others. Anyway, he is, as you can see, an enormous man and he is from Russia and he is a boxer. He stands at 7' tall and weighs 323 pounds and, according to the article, he is the new world champion of the "sport". The picture appears to show a hairy man with a face well-suited to a natural history exhibit fighting another man who has, for whatever reason, decided to fight while seated on a stool, but I'm pretty sure these guys are both standing at their full heights in a ring. Frickin' crazy. According to the LATimes article, Valuev reads Tolstoy and writes poetry to his wife, though I'm a little skeptical. With a braincase like that, I'm guessing his Tolstoy reading involves reading the title of War and Peace over and over, and the poems are likely on the order of "me like you", and "Hulk smash". According to his former trainer, he is lazy and will never get any better as a boxer. He also put a 60-year old security guard into the hospital for being "rude" to his wife. Anyway, marginally interesting. All right, everyone. That's it for me this week. Have a great weekend.

18 comments:

Pseudo-intellectual lunatic said...

imagine if his balls were hit

Pseudo-intellectual lunatic said...

nice to see a fellow georgian blogging

God bless georgia

moran said...

Speck, I think Crane found your long lost Russian relatives. Your true family name is Valuev. It must be comforting to know that all that furry aggression has survived through the generations, even if gigantism did not make it across the Atlantic.

Speck said...

pa-pa?

Pa-Pa said...

You put the "value" in Valuev!

Peter said...

I knew Brian and Speck were neighbors for a while but I didn't think they got that close...

nathan said...

would anyone here be interested in getting involved in the
"Literary Bitch-slap Down, Kick Ass, Cage Match Writin' Contest"?

See details on the collective, under listopia

Anonymous said...

not everyone who reads this blog has access to "the collective"

Anonymous said...

That's right, and let's keep it that way!

Anonymous said...

Heath got kicked off that Millan collective cause he was an asshole, I mean himself

nathan said...

Well, let me do some copy/pasting.

Ok...I was thinking of a new site and wanted to see if you nigs would be interested. It's a blog of sorts. But it's also a short story contest.

Here's the idea. Once a month all the writers on the collective get together (on line) and, in rotation, one of them lays out a topic. Everyone has one week to produce a piece that is somehow about the topic and post it (they'd have passwords to do so. But not just any jackoff can post a story) I'd say the story can't be longer that 5 pages. 1000 word max, perhaps?
And then, the readers vote who wins that month. It's just a bit of a competitive writing exercise with some whoop whoop and in yo face points up for grabs.
I'm pretty sure all of us got the sensitivity knocked out of us enough in school that this kind of think might be interesting and fun.
course, in the begginning no one will read or vote, but with a name like "Literary Bitch-slap Down, Kick Ass Cage Match Writin' Contest", or something of the sort.......well I can't see how we wouldn't have all kinds of readers in absolutely no time.

Anybody with me, or am I just farting here?

nathan said...

And if anyone is interested, any suggestions on how to set it up? is there a way for several people to post on one blog and then people's comments can be votes...I guess. I don't be knowin much bout these thinkin machines.

nathan said...

And Brian,

If went to the gym and blasted your peck and quads every day, you'd look like that Russian guy

Anonymous said...

Racist.

nathan said...

http://literarysmackdown.blogspot.com/

in case anyone is interested

Fried Pepperoni said...

By the way, Nathan thought the "racist" comment posted by Anonymous was in regards to Crane making fun of this Russian dude instead of Hinesy calling us all "nigs."

Just wanted to play Heath and get that out in the open. Sorry, Hinesy - too funny not to mention! I love you.

blankfist said...

See? Shawn can be a harrasshole, too! It took nearly 8 years for Crane to come to terms with this. Now maybe everyone else can see it for themselves.

Check out this interesting story about Walmart.
http://www.fastcompany.com/magazine/77/walmart.html

Shannon said...

That's the scariest thing I've seen today.