Monday, September 19, 2005

Cyborg-Sean Hannity? Please Kill Me

Ok, folks. I was originally going to fill my Monday post with my thoughts on an early Philip Roth novella I finished yesterday, but then I happened upon this lil' nugget during my morning surf and thought I'd post it up and start the week out on a note of pure the-end-is-nigh awesomeness. In short, it is one of the most ridiculous things I have ever seen, but it did make me laugh out loud. It is hilarious. What you see pictured to the left of this text is the cover of a comic book set to explode off comic store shelves in October. Here's the link to the article:

  • RightWing Comic Critiques America

  • The comic, set in an alternate-reality future where Gore won the 2000 election, follows three "true" cyborg-patriots, G. Gordon Liddy, Oliver North and Sean Hannity (pictured above left), as they try and save their country from the liberals who took it over in 2000. The liberal USA in Liberality is beholden to the United Nations, is ruled by President Chelsea Clinton and Vice-President Michael Moore, and celebrates the great peacemaker of our time, Usama Bin Laden. (If you go to the site there's a link to sample pages from the comic.) The writer of Liberality says he doesn't want readers to be certain whether he's being tongue-in-cheek with his comic's premise, or if he really thinks Liddy, North and Hannity pass the laugh-test as moral, righteous comic-book heroes that everyone can get behind. He does admit he's a red-state conservative which leads me to believe that though he might think his premise is more than a little over-the-top, he also kinda believes in this crap. That he would choose two convicted criminals and a meat-headed pundit who's so out-and-out retarded it borders on criminal, as his "team of heroes" says something, I think, both about where his true feelings lie (I mean, who else but a right-wing conservative could stand to draw these three a**holes all day, day after day?), but also about who conservatives secretly look up to. What did Liddy do, really, these conservatives think, except to try mightily to stave off a possible Democratic challenger by way of a little sabotage? What did North do, really, except bend the bureaucratic rules a little to defeat a growing Communist menace down in Central America? And what does Hannity do, really, but expose through brow-beating and fact-twisting, the lies of America's dominant left? These are the "tough" conservatives who see through the liberal lies and call 'em as they see 'em. OF COURSE, the one conservative "comic-book writer" in the country is going to use them in a comic-book about the upstanding right fighting the evil left. I almost want to buy this thing when it comes out but I know I'd start by laughing ("isn't this ridiculous?"), but pretty soon I'd be spitting obscenities (Who IS this f**king moron and why did I give him my $2?!), and then I'd try and burn the thing which would then probably start a fire which would then probably burn down my apartment building. It's safer if I don't see more than just the sample pages. One last quick thing I noticed that tells me this guy is hardly a comic book-ophile as he purports to be. "Someone who sends a threat over this is just a nut," he says. "I mean, look at the medium: it's a comic book." Anyone who writes comic books for a living doesn't denigrate the medium by snide insinuation.

    Anyway. I took this stupid thing a whole lot more seriously than I intended to. Anyway, I'll conclude with a question. Is it just me, or does every right-wing conservative I've ever met define themselves as middle-of-the-road, even though on EVERY SINGLE ISSUE they spout the Republican party's hardest line? Why is that? You don't see left-wing progressives say that, so why do they? Just wondering.


    blankfist said...

    Wow. What a fantastic entry, Crane. Me, being someone who despises both staunch Dems and Republicans, can safely say that I will buy it, and I'm sure I will laugh. Hard. I will scan it in and email you a copy so you have nothing to burn. That is to say, unless you print it out. For the love of all things in your apartment (including Venkman) DO NOT PRINT IT OUT!

    blankfist said...

    I was kidding about the scanning it in thing. [nervous laugh]

    Serious, RIAA, I think piracy is a crime. [another nervouse laugh]

    Seriously, I will not. Stop taking down my information.

    JudgeHolden said...

    Hey did that link work for anyone? It's not working for me and I canna figure it out. The HTML link is written correctly, so, what gives?

    blankfist said...

    I just think the link is bad. Your post is good, though!

    Anonymous said...

    Nope that link doesn't work.

    After blankfist scans the comic in, I will be responsible for printing it and distributing it to any and every "staunch" liberal who would like to read that trash, but refuses to contribute actual income to it.

    Call me.