Thursday, October 06, 2005

Inanity Grab Bag! Photoshop Humor, Braves Humiliation, Unspeakable Violence in South Georgia, and the Phoenix-Like Rise of Al Gore in 2008?

This is some of what I was doing yesterday in my Photoshop CS class. I did this during the text section of the day's lesson plan. Anyway, my idea for this exercise was to design a cover for a travel magazine that really hated the idea of travelling. I thought it was funny, and I also thought the photo was hilarious. Like a leprechaun Nightcrawler preying on American girls. Maybe it was funnier yesterday. Whatever.

After class, I went to Panera (which is a sandwich place conveniently-located next to my wife's school), bought a drink so they couldn't hassle me for taking up a table, and then I wrote sheer brilliance for an hour. Then Peggy called and I picked her up and we went to CeCe's Pizza for dinner because they had the Braves playoff game on the television there. And also because their food is very cheap (Yes, yes, I know. And gross. But it should tell you something about where we live that CeCe's is one of the better restaurants in our area. I mean, wow.)

The Braves screwed the pooch last night. They lost 10-5. In one night, the Astros revealed everything you need to know about the Braves' fatal flaw: we have no reliable pitching. Our season's heroes have all been hitters. Though maybe we did deserve to win our division for the 15th time, we probably don't deserve to advance to the National League Championship. Maybe next year we can buy some pitchers. Enough of that. I know no one's really interested in Braves baseball.

Oh yeah! Georgia finds the best ways to make it into the national news. Sometimes I wonder if the stories the national media goes out of their way to pick up are because that's what's newsworthy, or if it's because they best fit with the elites' vision of what Georgia is. Anyway, the story his time is about a couple of black guys who've been robbing trailer parks in south Georgia, trailers inhabited by Mexican illegals who work in the area picking peanuts and cotton. Because illegals don't have any documentation to open up a bank account, they hoarde all of their cash in their homes. They're very vulnerable living and working here, and the US, for better or worse, currently helps keep them that way. Anyway, these guys killed five immigrants one night this week, and all but one of the victims members of the same family. I guess when something juicy like that happens to this class of people, it's good enough for the news. Probably helped that a baseball bat was used, but I can't find the article that mentioned that fact again. The GBI says these kind of attacks are getting more prevalant down there. Mexicans getting mugged, their cars shot up, etc.

One last thing. Al Gore gave an awesome speech at a media conference in New York City the other day. It was about what's happened to our national media in recent years. It's a great speech but it makes me sad, yet again, that Bush was selected over him in 2000. I think Gore would be doing a much better job were he still in office, though I guess that's too obvious a statement to actually bother writing down. It did make me hopeful to hear some pundit say, "watch for Gore in 2008". That would be awesome. Hillary, Al, and John Kerry sniping at each other during the primary. Al in the race would make it all the more interesting, but I think with Al having been out for as long as he has been, criticizing the president as well as he has been, whether it's on Iraq or his work to erode a free press, he might be a stronger candidate than either Kerry (fresh loss) or Hillary (too centrist). All right. Out.


Fried Pepperoni said...

I am outraged by this news. Honestly, it saddens me just to think about it...You went to CeCe's after you'd been to Panera?!? Just to watch some dumb baseball game?!? What's that matter with you??? Buy Panera, take that crap home, and watch the damn game on your couch. I've never been to CeCe's, but I'm hard pressed to think of a pizza I've had that's better than a delicious bacon turkey bravo sandwich from Panera. Plus, you go with the You Pick Two option and you can get half a salad a big piece of crusty bread all for under 7 bucks. Surely, you're not that cheap. I mean, you're a working man, right?

Anyway, the magazine cover is pretty funny. I think you should switch your top headline with the bottom one about green devils. After all, that's what's in the photo, right? Plus, it would make the top less crowded. And the "Summer Fun?" on the right? No, Crane. Bad idea. Overall, I'd say you pass. But barely. Wanna know what you got? F plus. Click.

So let me get this straight: black people in Georgia are killing Mexicans to take the Mexicans' money? Have these black people ever met a Mexican family living in the U.S.? I don't care if you have a bank account or not, if you're picking peanuts you're not pulling in that much flow to even make it worth the effort if you ask me. Just sad sad sad.

And I'm only voting for Gore if he promises to rock the burly beard his entire term. This way, when he runs for re-election, we can chant "Four more beards! Four more beards! Four more..."

It's early.

blankfist said...

Are you sure you're using one of the new Photoshop Creative Suites (I or II), or could this be Photoshop Lite version 0 from 1981? Seriously. You might want to demand a bit of your money back, dear sir, because it appears they mad be taking you for the proverbial ride, Lebowski-style.

What did you accomplish with this magazine cover? A picture with type on it. I shudder at the majesty. Look, both "Europe" and "A Guide to Memorable Vacations" are embossed and have drop shadows. That's advanced. I'm surprised you didn't throw a Gaussian Blur on something, seeing how that's the only other Photoshop trick that's used with nearly the same frequency because of its simplicity to administer.

And, nice picture. I love the guy in the back wearing the photo-illuminescent FEMA jacket. Is he scratching his neck and smoking a cigarette? Yeah, I can see why you wouldn't want to.. uh... what's the term... oh yeah... photoshop him out of the picture. No need to learn all that stuff in a Photoshop class. Nope.

Now, say I was a customer. Say, I was browsing through the magazine ailse. Say I was a bit of a cynic, too. Say I felt I was all alone in the universe, and that maybe, just maybe, I felt there might not be a point to travelling at all. I'd probably want find someone with insight who could illuminate my concerns or even speak to me on a familiar and relatable wavelength. Now, say I'm strolling through the aisle and my eye briefly glances over this cover. I may be able to just make out "Are Green Devils France's New Scourge" because it's black over a lighter background, but what about the headline just above it? Don't you think that headline might've been a selling factor if, say, it was in the realm of being legible? For me to actually be able to read the headline would've been a plus, you know, as the consumer? Here, I can only make out "avel g anyway? By Brian Cra"

Good stuff. Keep it up.

blankfist said...

yes, I wrote "mad be taking you for the proverbial ride". I refuse to proofread when I bust balls. I simply refuse.